Tuesday, January 23, 2018

Oh, look! Some control!

The last few days have marked a return to the old me.  Not the old, old me - the one that was obese and depressed, but the old me that made life changes and lost weight.

I have been getting on the scale every morning - something that once was an absolute morning ritual but I haven't done in a very long time.  Each time it hurts a little, to see a number that quite honestly I never thought I would see again, but I think it is keeping me accountable.

Somewhere along the line I convinced myself that running an hour on the treadmill entitled me to finish and then stuff my face with food - before dinner, mind you - only to then feel guilty that I had done it and wish I could take it back.  

Repeat the insanity the next day!

I am trying to change that pattern - acknowleging the hunger and telling myself that hunger does not need to be satiated immediately and urgently.  The part of me that demands instant gratification resists that idea.  But sitting down to a good dinner that I earned and didn't spoil has its own measure of gratification.

It's early, and it's baby steps certainly.  

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