One quarter gone…

As we bid goodbye to April, I am taking stock of where I am now that 1/4 of 2015 is out of the way.

I can’t say that I am where I want to be or where I thought that I would be.

I was apparently under the delusion that since I lost weight once, it would be simple to do it again, and wow have I found out differently!

I spent the first part of 2015 in a skidding horrific state of mind.

BUT things are looking up and I must believe that the next 4 months are going to be great.

It will start with my half marathon next weekend.  I’m getting back on track running wise.  Not in time – that still sucks ass.  But in miles.  According to my runkeeper stats, I have traveled 854.5 miles so far in 2015.  This includes 464.3 miles running.  Over 100 miles per month?  I’ll take it.

The weather has mercifully turned warmer.  It was 65 and sunny today.  It is a JOY to come home from work and go outside and play with the dogs when it is sunny and warm.

Yes, heading into summer, I am choosing to believe that I can get my shit together.  That might not mean getting down to 117 pounds again.  I don’t know that this is in the cards.  But I also think I can live with that.

Maybe tomorrow – the start of the next 4 months of the year – I’ll get on the scale.

And one more piece of “news” that most of you will think is dumb, but it made me smile.

I got an e-mail today from Archer’s breeder.  They kept one female from his litter and have been showing her.

Well, she’s pregnant.  Yes, Archer is going to be an uncle!!

When I shared the news with him, he was overcome with excitement…

Keeping your mouth shut.

That is something that I am decidedly NOT good at.

But I’m talking in a different context today then you probably expect.  Last week, I saw a friend and she said that I looked “incredibly cute today”.  As an immediate reaction, I started to protest this and point out my faults.

With a small patient but exasperated smile, my friend said “The correct response is ‘Thank you!’”  I floundered and made a joke.

Fast forward to today when I was talking with a corrections officer I have known for years.  A wonderful guy – kind and patient and, as a bonus, a Dolphins fan

We were talking about a family he knows whose child just died of a overdose.  This is on top of another tragedy that struck that family just a few years ago.

I commented that this should be an example about how some people have such horrible things that they are living with and that I need “to remember that when I’m feeling sorry for myself.”

He asked why I would ever feel sorry for myself.  I responded that it is because I often “suck at life” and laughed.

He said to me – matter of factly -that I have a great job where I get to help people every day and I most certainly have saved lives.  He continued by saying that I overcame being “overweight” and that I am in a happy marriage.  Plus, he said, “You are incredibly pretty.”

You would think that would make me feel great!  But it didn’t.  It took everything I had – and recalling the situation with my friend last week – to not go on a tirade about how I am NOT pretty and I’ve gained weight and all that type of crap.

But I kept my mouth shut.  And tried as hard as I could to just accept the compliment. 

I wonder why accepting compliments like that is so incredibly hard for me.  To the point where I am almost sick to my stomach uncomfortable when people compliment me like that.

I am wondering if any of you that are reading have ever felt that way and if you have learned to overcome it.  I would really love to know…

Tuesday...

It's Tuesday night.  At the end of April, 2015.  A pretty ordinary spring day in my life.

I woke up this morning to my alarm having slept well.  I showered while Marc cooked us eggs.  I watched the news and saw horrible things happening in Baltimore.  I learned that the Supreme Court will be hearing arguments about gay marriage - and the decisions made will effect so many people personally and will also determine the direction of this country in a lot of ways.

Off to work.  A busy but ordinary busy day.  Meetings with clients, paperwork, phone calls.  Consults and meetings with co-workers but fortunately no major crisis.  During lunch I ran a few miles in the sunny, windy and relatively warm conditions.  I thought about the upcoming half marathon and my desire to do well.

When work ended I headed home and prepared dinner - a new recipe I found.  Marc and I took the dogs on a 4 mile walk.  As we walked I reflected that it's been 5 years since I started my life change.  Percentage wise not that much of my life - and yet - I barely remember the fat girl I used to be.  She is starting to fade in my memory.

I came home and threw the chicken I had prepared in the oven.  I got on the computer and read an article how it is basically impossible for people to lose 30% of their bodyweight.  The article encouraged people to set realistic goals.  And I smirked at the screen.

Dinner:

Pretty tasty!  A PILE of kale = 90 calories.

I cut the dogs nails, did some stretching and foam rolling and hooked myself up to the electrical stimulation unit.  My Achilles is doing pretty well, but I have ramped up the mileage dramatically and am feeling it.

Then to watch TV and relax.

A very routine day.  One that many wold find pretty boring.  And it likely would have been the same day if I weighed 10 pounds less.

I am starting to accept this.  Naturally thin is not in my cards.  And fighting to keep my weight down every minute of every day?  It has been exhausting.  If days like this are a staple in my life - I think I'm pretty fortunate.

Or am I just making excuses to justify how heavy I have gotten?

Amazon

Don't forget!

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Click the Amazon button on the upper right of the main page!

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The secret handshake…

Last week on Facebook, a bunch of my friends were talking about Lilly Pulitzer.  I had NO IDEA whatsoever what the hell they were talking about.  Actually, I still don’t.  There was some controversy and Target was mentioned.  But I felt like they were speaking in tongues.

I know that there are people out there that truly do not care about belonging or fitting into any groups.  There are people in this world that like a solitary existence for the most part and don’t have much interest in being associated with any sort of groups.

I am most decidedly NOT one of those people.  It’s not about being accepted for the most part, but it’s about feeling bonded with other people.  Especially like-minded people.

Which is why it has been interesting for me – going from a remarkably unfit and sedentary existence to being a part of the fitness community. 

Like many of these groupings, there is no official membership.  There are no dues, no meetings and no secret handshakes.  But there are words and phrases and things that we do in this “club” that other people just don’t get.

Like I could say to a person how excited I was to poop before a race.  A non-runner would think I was crazy or would be grossed out.  Another runner would TOTALLY get it.

Other people I know might be happy for me that I ran 14 miles yesterday or would get why last summer when I ran a mile in under 7 minutes I was so thrilled.  But another runner would understand.

And when I talk to my clients about weight lifting and can laugh with them when they talk about people getting kicked out of Planet Fitness for grunting while lifting – it’s a language I speak.

This is a society that I never EVER imagined I’d be a part of.  If you had told me 5 years ago that I’d be a member of a site called Runkeeper and that a complete stranger from Europe would be writing “Great time, Jen!” under one of my runs,  I would have never believed it!

And I won’t lie – that type of feedback motivates and inspires me.  Seeing other people – at all various levels of fitness – getting out there every day?  And it’s pretty cool that all you have to do to be accepted is to make a choice to join.  Without judgment, without expectations.  Just show up. 

So if you are wondering if you can be part of this super-special, super-secret society, I give you a resounding yes, yes, yes. 

We’re pretty cool.  Even though I can’t tell you who the hell Lilly Pulitzer is….

Yay for Saturday…

This is how I started my Saturday:

I normally do a longer run on Sunday, but I wanted to change my schedule a little bit based on the upcoming race.  I told myself that today’s run would determine whether I did the 1/2 mary or whether I stuck to the 10k.

As you can see I made it just over 14.  Which puts the 1/2 totally doable.  Except it was SLOW.  Wayyyy off where I was at this time last year.

But I came home, forced myself to swallow my pride and registered for the 1/2.  So the deed is done.  The credit card has been charged – no backing out now!

Oh, and I was interviewed by the local news about the drug problem in this county and the lack of treatment.

Here’s a link if you’re interested:

http://www.wwnytv.com/news/local/The-Price-Of-Fighting-The-Drug-War-301116271.html

So that’s the excitement in my life!

Lunch anyone?

In my never-ending quest to find healthy low-cal and tasty lunch choices, I have a new obsession.

Why I never thought of this before?   No clue?

But if you have a microwave and a few minutes, try cooking something like this up.

A bag of steamable veggies.  Today’s selection was broccoli.

A nice big bag for like 80 calories.

Add the meat of your choice.  I chose imitation lobster at 200 calories and a TON of protein.

And there you have it!  Filling, tasty, quick and healthy!