Monday, March 2, 2015

I'm not normal...

Those are the words that someone said to me today.  He relapsed after a relatively long period of sobriety.

He was in tears and told me that he tries SO HARD.  He said that he does well and even excells in acting "normal" - but underneath is that demon - that addiction - that is always there waiting for the slightest crack in his armor to POUNCE.

My heart ached for him.  And I told him "I get it!". And I really do.

So many people have commented to me that they are shocked when they hear it is hard for me or that I still have a fucked up relationship with food.

It's like they think that by learning to modify my behavior it made the root of the issue go away.  But just like a drug addict, this is a forever disease.  At least that's my opinion.  I am still a morbidly obese woman - I just don't behave that way if that makes any sense.

I told this person that he can never, ever let his guard down.  That he can never ever allow himself to believe that he's not a drug addict.  

I wonder if my weight gain is because I have forgotten this?  Maybe I've tried to fool myself that I am normal when I am NOT.

Something I will be thinking about...

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