I have a 2 day work week this week. So I headed in this morning pretty excited to kill 2 days and then it’s time for Xmas!!
Today was – by Northern NY standards – a gorgeous December day. It was 38 degrees, no wind and about mid-morning the sun started to peek out. So it wasn’t a mental struggle to get my ass out there for a lunch time run.
I felt pretty great – I am faithfully doing 20 minutes of electrical stimulation on both the Achilles as well as newly developed Planter Fasciitis (sigh…) every night, and there was little pain. I warmed up almost immediately and felt strong and relaxed as I did my regular route around the city.
When I got back to work I started thinking about my weight gain. And the one side of me made this pitch:
“Listen, you are a 42 year old formerly morbidly obese woman who just ran 6.25 miles in 51 minutes. You are wearing a size small dress. And, more importantly you are a good person. Gaining or losing weight doesn’t change that! So, give yourself a break – have some cookies without guilt. You’ll get back on track!”
Then there was the other voice who sternly said:
“Ok, so you were able to run, big whoop. Your time was slow compared to the past because you’ve gained so much weight! Go ahead and eat that cookie and tell yourself you’re fine. But you’re just going to keep gaining weight. You’ll get fat again like so many other people who lose weight. And you’re a good person? You want to be a big FAT good person?”
No one warned me what a mental game this continues to be. I feel a little alone here, guys – am I the only one struggling with my weight this holiday season? Am I the only crazy person who wages war in my head?
Are maybe both voices right?