I bid goodbye to July in a weird place. You know, in June 2010, having lost around 30 pounds and still weighing over 300 at that time, I don’t think I ever could have imagined the paths that this journey would take me!
But yet, here I am.
After a week that was somewhat tumultuous something happened today. I was walking on my lunch hour and as I made my way through a fairly populated section, a clearly mentally handicapped man moved intentionally to block my path.
“Hi!!” he said and I responded and went to continue my walk. “You look really good in that dress!!” he said with a smile. “Thanks!” I said and kept it moving chuckling to myself.
When I got home, I decided to take the dogs on another walk. I started thinking about where I am in my life and what my goals are.
Since I feel like I am failing, a reasonable question seemed to be - what ARE my goals?
Well, I’d like to run pain free. To do that, I think I have to cut down on my running and give my Achilles a rest. And I have been decreasing my running. So that makes me a failure, right?
Ok, my goal is to live a healthy and happy life and not die an early death like my dad. According to my last check up, I’m doing what I can to stay in good health and my numbers are good. So I’m not failing there.
Ok, so I hate the way my body looks. Well, no. I mean, there’s definitely things that I would change. Would I love to have a beautifully toned body with a 6 pack? Not only is that really hard for women to achieve, I’m 42 years old. And how would my life change dramatically for the better if I had that body?
It wouldn’t improve my career. It wouldn’t make me rich. It wouldn’t get Marc to love me more.
So is that how I’m failing?
I have decided that the “right” number for me to weight is 116-119. And today I weighed in at 125.3.
OH!! So THAT’S where I’m failing!!
So apparently my goal is to make sure I am defined by a NUMBER and if I’m not that number I am an utter loser.
Makes total sense, right?