Surprise, surprise, it's December 21 and the world has not ended. Good thing. I commented the other day that if I knew for sure the world would end I would have been stuffing my face with brownies! Who cares if I go into the afterlife a little chunked up, right?
I received a couple of packages in the mail last night. The first contained a gift that had been backordered. So as soon as I got home, I wrapped that up and did a mini celebration that all my Xmas shopping - with the exception of food - is done and wrapped. So no last minute worrying and rushing for me!!
The second package contained a dress I bought from Target. It was a really pretty cowl necked sweater dress that they had on clearance. I put it on and it just HUNG loosely on me. I looked at the tag and confirmed it was an XS. I think Target tends to run a little big, but still - an XS being to big for me??
I then got on the scale this morning and it was 117.2. "Perfect" I thought! I then mentally gave myself permission to spend now through Xmas eating pretty much what I want and not worrying about calories or gaining weight or anything. So at work, I discovered that a local lawyer's office had sent us a box of chocolates. Normally, this wouldn't tempt me, but they were the really good chocolates - and I spotted that there was almonds covered in dark chocolate. I ate 6 of them and then spent the rest of the morning mentally wrecked with guilt and shame.
It is so frustrating! Every time I think that I've made progress I have moments like this. I so hope that this is a temporary mental battle and that SOME DAY I will just be able to relax and enjoy holidays and special occasions without the mental struggle and debate. I don't think that I should feel guilty - I believe I have earned some indulgence. Intellectually I believe that, but emotionally I don't!
Marc gets very frustrated with me when I have these feelings - well trust me, I get frustrated with me, too!