You know, when I was obese I used to think that if only I were thin, life would be WONDERFUL and PERFECT. As you guys bear witness to in my postings, that is clearly not true. Don't get me wrong, a lot of things are wonderful but losing weight doesn't suddenly mean that you have a perfect life, that's for sure!
A lot of overweight people think about their weight all the time and define themselves by that. Interestingly enough, I DID NOT. Instead I defined myself by my intelligence. Some of you already know this but I have a Master's Degree in Counseling Psychology. I got a 4.0 in every class except 1. I seriously considered re-taking that class just to get a 4.0 so I would have a perfect score in my Master's - like that makes any difference in the real world.
At some point in this journey, I started to define myself by a number on the scale. That is why this not running thing has thrown me so off-kilter. It's like if I gain a few pounds then suddenly I become a horrible person. Yesterday was a scheduled run day - instead of that at lunch I did P90X Core Synergistics and guess what? I actually FELT GUILTY eating lunch, because I know I didn't burn as many calories as usual. How messed up is that?
So I took a deep breath last night and am trying to get focused again. All I can do is what I can do. I'm stretching, icing, resting and we'll see what happens when I try to run next week. I walked on the treadmill last night at an incline of 7 and experienced no pain at all. The swelling appears to have gone down. I think these are good signs.
The period between Thanksgiving and this date is a bad one for me. In addition to my dad's death, a lot of crappy things have happened during this period, including me having to put my beloved Rottweiller to sleep a few years ago during this period. Today marks the anniversary of the head on collision I was in when I was 16. So if I can just get through today, I am confident that things will start looking up.
Thanks for bearing with me during my freak out.
We'll see what happens when I try to run and we'll see where my weight is come January 1, and if I have to make adjustments, then I will!!